Chapter 4 of The Nude Adventures of Doff de Chonez

Having been a night owl for many years, playing videogames long past bedtime, until his game-playing habit was replaced by reading about naturism into the early morning hours, Doff de Chonez surprised himself upon awakening with the sun still low in the sky. After a few moments of confusion, he remembered having found lodging at a bed & breakfast that he had taken to be nudist, or, at the very least, clothing optional.

He jumped out of bed, naked as he had come into the world, and made haste to the sitting room, where, as he had been informed, breakfast would be served. But to his great frustration, there was none to be found, not even the aroma of anything like breakfast being prepared. Not only was there no food, but, moreover, there was not a soul to be found in the house. His sense of decency prevented Doff de Chonez from opening closed doors, so, instead, he went out into the backyard, a pleasant garden area with a high privacy fence, where he was intent on cleaning himself, since, as he understood from his readings, naturist establishments most often featured outdoor showers.

The kind of outdoor shower, perhaps, envisioned by our hero Doff de Chonez

Ten minutes later, Beth awoke with a start, hearing a rapping at the window of her second-floor window. One second later, Cheryl awoke with a start, hearing a scream coming from her partner in bed. Both women, sitting bolt upright and clutching the bedsheets to their chests, could now hear the muffled shouts of Doff de Chonez, perched on a tree branch outside the window, looking at them and pointing at a garden hose he held in his hand. After watching, in a state of shock, the nudist-errant’s complicated series of gesticulations, the B&B owners slowly recovered from their initial fright even as they understood it would be a difficult morning, and even as they hoped for the speedy arrival of Dr. Nicholson.

When the doctor did arrive some ten minutes later, there was no one to receive him in the front of the house, but he heard singing coming from the back garden, to which location he directed his steps. Turning the back corner of the house, he discovered that it was his friend Donny Lopez, the very same who was making himself known as Doff de Chonez, who was singing “The Impossible Dream” while lathering himself under a stream of water gushing from a hose. The hose was sustained above him by the hand of a very bored woman, leaning into the open frame of a second-floor window, supporting her head in her other hand. Dr. Nicholson was not surprised by the nudity of his friend, and he surmised that the woman in the window, and another woman carrying a kitchen tray, were the owners of the establishment. But he was indeed surprised to find a second nudist. An elderly woman sat at a patio table, naked, receiving her morning coffee from the woman with the tray. She was watching the nude man in the improvised shower, humming along to his tune.

It was the woman in the window who first spotted the new arrival, and her boredom quickly changed to excitement. “Are you Dr. Nicholson?” she called out to him.

Suddenly all eyes were upon him, as the new visitor responded affirmatively. Instantly Doff de Chonez recognized his friend, strode to him quickly, and embraced him, wet and soapy as was his condition at the moment.

“Dr. Nicholson!” cried our hero. “Thou art overdressed! Here, remove thy garments and step into this lovely shower I’ve arranged, as pure and strong as Neptune’s fountain!”

The doctor reacted quickly, separating his delusional friend from his person, and holding him by the shoulders. Meanwhile the nude woman at the table called out, “It’s my turn next!”

“Mother, please…” spoke the woman holding the kitchen tray, before introducing herself. “I’m Cheryl, and that’s Beth in the window. Thanks for coming by.”

“Certainly,” replied the doctor. “Anything to help a friend. By the way, friend,” and here he poked Doff de Chonez lightly on the chest, “you should finish rinsing off.”

“Yes, of course,” responded our hero, “and then please stay for breakfast. I entreat thee.”

“Indeed,” chuckled Dr. Nicholson, “what a treat.”

Cheryl motioned for the doctor to meet her inside the house, where they quickly retired, and where the doctor tried to convince her of the benefits of naturism.

“My friend has become obsessed – I beg your pardon on his behalf,” insisted the doctor. “He and I have spoken often about naturism, and while I expected him to be almost ready to visit the naturist park that I myself frequent, I certainly did not expect him to try to turn the world into a naturist park.”

“If it’s such a beneficial practice,” asked Cheryl, “why isn’t it more widely known and accepted?”

“It’s an excellent question,” replied the doctor, “and I can assure you that it is only due to people’s continued stigmas about nudity. But as a healthcare professional, and also from my own personal experience, I can say that exposing the skin to the elements can be highly therapeutic.”

“Well, now he has my mother hooked,” protested Cheryl, with tone most querulous. “Before I even knew she was awake this morning, my mother saw him out there building his makeshift shower, threw off her clothes, and joined him in the garden.”

“It’s a lovely garden,” affirmed the doctor, “and I noticed it has a high wall. She won’t be seen, and it won’t do her any harm to feel the sun on her skin for a while this morning. On the contrary, it may do her quite a bit of good.”

Cheryl hesitated a moment, but then confirmed that her aged mother, who was suffering symptoms of senility, definitely did seem more active and lucid out in the sun. Nonetheless, the lucidity of Doff de Chonez remained much in doubt. Dr. Nicholson hastily paid his friend’s expenses and shared with the owner his plan for having the benighted man dubbed a card-carrying nudist. When Cheryl learned that she and Beth would need to undress again, she protested, but, recognizing they had already breached that threshold the previous eve, and desiring most desperately to be rid of the nude intruder, she consented to the plan.

A few minutes later, Cheryl and Dr. Nicholson strode naked into the backyard, where they found Doff de Chonez seated at the table partaking of his coffee, fruit, bacon and a biscuit. Cheryl’s mother stood under the hose, singing Dolly Parton’s “Sugar Hill.”

“Hey!” shouted Beth from the upstairs window. “She’s been in the shower a long time, and I’m getting tired up here! Will you shut off the water, please?”

“Got it!” yelled Cheryl, spinning the faucet. “Oh, Beth? Whatever you’re wearing, take it off and come down here please?”

Beth harrumphed, and it could be heard, as she stomped away from the window, that she retorted, “Are you kidding? I didn’t bother putting anything on…”

Beth soon arrived in the yard, and Cheryl’s mother finished rinsing and drying herself, and then they all stood with Dr. Nicholson in a semi-circle.

“Doff… de Chonez,” Dr. Nicholson announced, the name new on his lips, “please rise and stand before our nude assemblage.”

Our hero set down his coffee and came to stand before his friend.

“Noble nudist,” began Dr. Nicholson, “having proved your valor in sallying forth into the world, with the goal of making it a… a more naked place in which to live, it is incumbent upon me that I recognize, standing here before you, four witnesses, myself included, to the efficacy of your labors, and thus, with the authority granted me as a doctor of medicine and as a practicing naturist, I hereby dub you nudist.”

And with these words, Dr. Nicholson held up his hands with his palms facing away from him. Leaning his left index finger against his right index finger, and bending down all other digits except the right middle finger, he thus formed a letter N that he pressed against out hero’s chest, over his heart, holding it there for a few moments and then withdrawing his hands.

“But… friend… Dr. Nicholson…” sputtered our hero, “this is no card! Thou hast not even left any permanent mark!”

“Noble nudist,” replied the doctor, “know that the mark of the nudist is always, and only, his or her own skin, bared in its entirety. Such is the beauty of nudism.”

Doff de Chonez bowed his head, accepting the truth of his friend’s words, and knelt to the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks, saying, “If only my Lady, my dearest Mechinelda, were here to witness this moment of dedication, so dear to me, as she is the one true motivator of mine objectives.”

The doctor and the B&B owners raised eyebrows and shoulders, in mutual incomprehension of this reference to a Lady Mechinelda.

“And now, true nudist Doff de Chonez,” continued the doctor, “it is time for us to take our leave. I’m going to escort you to your home, where we will properly commemorate your new title.”

“May we invite my Lady Mechinelda?” inquired Doff de Chonez.

The doctor smiled. “Certainly. Off we go! Let’s not forget your bicycle.”

“Bare Glider,” the nudist-errant muttered, rising to his feet. “My companion through the fields of cauliflower!”

And soon, as Cheryl and Beth waved enthusiastically, and Cheryl’s mother danced in the sunshine, the two men drove away, with Bare Glider stuffed into the back of Dr. Nicholson’s SUV.

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